the new year

yes... i am hoping new year comes fast..
i want this year to be gone...
2010
oh wht a year!!!!
it started off great... i fell in love... now well i think i fell into my greastest pit hole... in my lives history...
i like to remember stuff... to hold on to events or anything meaning full in my life...
yet this year i dont... i want ti all gone...
i got hurt n the wound doesnt heal...
it just gets bigger n bigger
i think i am doing it to myself...
hurting myself on purpose... not letting myself to be happy... i dwell on my sorrows again n again...
well a few days ago i made out with his guy R..
it was awesome... it was my first time... i loved everything about it...


but he is just a friend... he.. well lets say is a playboy... lol
but he was nice... we did it all on my pace... i agree to it all... n i am not sad about that...
but disturbing me is that i am getting attached to him..
we agreed on this in the first place... no falling in love... we r just 2 ppl had our hearts broken n now dont believe in love... so we r just out to hv fun...
he has other girlfriends... so he gets his hmmm lets say dose... often lol....
sometimes i think he is just doing me a favor... letting my experience it for once...

he kept on saying to me... u dont fall in love with me if i hug u so tight... he said it twice... i was like... plz lah...
wht if u fall in love with me... lol
that got him quite... lol
well today he is busy with one of his gals...

i wish i could just let go off all... n start fresh,,,,
i am reading this book a hopless romantic...by harriet evans

i can relate to laura... she got dump by this guy who has a gf while he was hving sleepping with her.. he promise he will break up with the gf but didnt when the gf got pregnant...
laura lost it all her job...friends... until she went off with her parents n garandmom on a trip...
it was she escaping...
after my break up... i lost it all too... well not my job... but i didnt do it as i was doing it b4.. i was good at my job...
but in stories.. well there is always a happy ending...
she goes on this trip.. promising herself never to fall easily for any guy.. (well i am doing that now.. i just dont want to do anythign with love now)  but she does... with a marquis- a very rich guy.. she spends time with him...falls in love.. but realizes that it will never work... n leaves him... i understand her.. she was hurt n doesnt want to be hurt again... but she is throwing away something beaituful..
i hvnt finish reading yet...but i am sure they will be together..

she is wants to run away from it .. she comes back home.. get back her job... n is determine to make her life work alone..
i want to be able to do that... to live life... to just continue it.. not hoping for love to come... well let love happen when it does...
but i dont...
i get up in the morning... thinking wht will happen to do.. is it today.. will i find love today...
this is so pathetic...
i need to pull myself together n let myself free..

by the way i am so into horoscope... i kind of life my life on it...
http://www.indastro.com/horoscope/today-leo-zone3.html

well it sound that i will be positive n will focus on work... i am doing it right?
just read my post today lol
well i hope in this last year of the year... i start building the foundation for a better year...
so am off to start my new beginning...
i hope you would too(who ever is reading lol)