my peace of mind

i met this guy on sex forum...
yes i am a member of a sex forum...
its fun!!!
i learnt a lot... met nice ppl... some treat u as human... as for who u r...

well back to this guy...
i met him in the live chat... i was there trying to act as if i know more about sex... he ( i think) figure out i was a new comer... so i told him he should hv fun with others cause i will be wasting his time... but nope he didnt leave
he even gave me his hotmail email add... so from there it started.. he become my prof n i his student...
we basically chat everyday... i told him a lot about myself... i become attach to him.... well being my prof i did learnt from him n we got to try certain "subject" i was having fun..!

but it all had to end.. i was getting attached to him... he met someone online..(history repeats even my ex when back to his ex when he was with me - thats another entry) then he was busy with his studies...

so i felt left out... i asked him.... then we quarrel... he said he spends the 2nd most time with me... lol...

this was enough for me to know i was demanding so much from a stranger...
so the only why out was that i let go... as a friend...

so no more sex forum no more him...
but i feel sad... i miss him today a lot.. i do drop in the forum.. hoping he will say something... but nope...
guess he is happy in his life... n i was nobody...
like i was for my ex.... nobody... just a replacement...(ouch these words bring back bad memories, painful memories)

then i think to myself... if he is happy.. then why the hell i am being sad...
why i'm thinking of him if he is not...
why 'm i hoping he will contact me when obviously he is not
why am i hoping...?
why?
why?
but i did learnt a lot from him.... but sad i had to let go...
i dont know wht else i hv to let go...?

so when will my peace of mind come...? hope it comes fast....