why do i fall in love easily?

yes its happening again... i think i am falling again...

i met this guy... well lets say we hv thins weird relationship...its more of no string attach kind of thing...

so i know he is a flirt... but yet i felt for him.. i told him that but he explain to me that he's not the one for me... n i deserve someone better... wht he said is true but the feelings... why cant i just take it n stuff it some where that i can never find it again...

i know he is closer with this one gal n i am jealous of it... she wrote on his FB that if u love 2 ppl at a time go for the second one cause if u really love the first one you wont fall in love the second time... its so true right...

btw she has a bf.. but she's close with him... so am guessing... n assume ( an ass of u n me...) she has told him that she loves him...

i just wish i can stay away from him... hv no contact with him.. i know its hard.. i know i will cry it out.. but its the right thing to do...  i must never fall in love again... cause its never meant for me.... i hv to stop.. i have to numb that part on me... love is not for me... love is not for me.. love is not for me...!!!!

age!!!

today,  a cousin of mine introduced a guy to me... she just gave him the phone n we spoke like less then 4 min i think...

but only after that i found out he is 25... n i am 27... hmmmmmmmmmm i feel old...

hmm its going to be hard for me to find someone since i am getting old... i prefer someone who is about 33 to 28.. someone matured that me.. someone that i can look up to... someone that know more than me....

but seeing the situation of my culture.. guys then to look for younger gals like age 24 to 26... n i am out of that age group... so am i dome? is there no one for me? will i be a spinster? i think i am hving the spinster symptoms... i get mooody too fast.. too sensitive... too sure of myself... etc so basically i feel that i need to start getting a grip and no more fairy tales for me...no more waiting for prince in shinning Armour.. cause am getting old..

lets hope the numbers go away fast...

http://www.halls.md/ideal-weight/body.htm

hmmm
it happneing again,,,

always when i am back for the holidays.. the first day will be miserable... i wont know wht to do...
my mind will be running wild.. thinking of sooooooooo many stuff...

now its my weight,,, why cant it go down n stay there...

the highest i hv been was 70++ when i was in high school...
after leaving university,,, that was in 2008 i was 64... i felt great,...i felt like i was on top of the world....

then i went for my posting... n gain 4 kg... i was 68 in 2009
then i started to lose weight.... was 64 back... the had a heart break... n got to be a 62kg.... i was happy..
atleast soemthing good come out of being down...

then it when up 1 kg.. down up down...

now 13 march 2011 i am 65kg...i think or was it 66kg
hmmm i hate it... i feel so fat... my tummy is like bulging... i wish i would get rid of it.... hmmm
so am sitting here.. typing away.. while drinking this herbal tea that helps to burn... it has work before,,,,

my BMI is 23.3.. i am suppose to be in my ideal weight but i feel fat...


maybe i hv fats in the wrong places... lol
i want to be 55kg... or 58kg...
so means i hv to lose 7kgs.... why is it soooooooo hard to just lose 7kgs... arghhhh




i know i should work out... but its my 1st day of my holiday... so i think i will pass...

i just want to get this out of my system n feel good of myself...

as usual i like to write rubbish... but it helps to relax...
so read it for fun... ok?

so happy holidays...!!!!!

am just doing it to myself...!!!!

i posted some nice pictures on the forum... well they were nice to me...
n i was expecting positive responds from them.. but i didnt... no responds today... how sad....
actually i did get 3... but i was like wanting more...

call me sick... maybe i just like the attention.... ah... i think that idiot(my ex told me that after breaking up with me) ( i used to call him idiot for fun welll now i mean it

so not given attention...
i think i am craving for that more... i want ppl to notice me... sick sick sick...
i didnt used to be like this... b4 the whole ex thing... i didnt bother... cause i knew then that i didnt matter to others... i just had to live... but now it bothers me... knowing i dont matter makes me restless... it keeps bugging me... it makes me sad...

but i dont want to be sad.. i dont want to go into depression again... hell no.... it was bad really bad...
now when i see myself then... i feel pity for myself...

but like it is always said... experince makes u more mature... it has... n also more horny lol....

i really like going back to the forum again n again... helps to spice up my day...

ok my horoscope for the week says that as Sagittarius (my ex is a sag) entering my Moon this fri... so it is a good thing for my love life....
the wierd thing... my ex's ex who is now his wife.. is the same horoscope with me... lol
so basically its love in the air for her too n she is very lucky cause she has the "sag" with her

lol.... i hate them... lol.... cause they just broke me to pieces n i dont know how to fix myself... she calls me thier angel... who got broken in the way of helping them.... hmmmm lol...

i think she is the luck one.... i am just full of bad luck....

ok enough of them... i am sad... n my eyes r tearing... i think i should just sleep.... i dont want to be sad... so i just need to sleep. n not think....

i think i will get up at 4in the morning n do work.... better like that...

so nitez....
be good n hv fun

lets hope sleep comes faster than tears...